The Wicked Widow

A love letter for those who have lost…

It’s Valentine’s Day: Chocolate, roses, romance, and a chance to love up on your special person. I might be generalizing here but most people say: “Oh it’s just a holiday for the greeting card companies” or “We don’t even celebrate- it’s a silly holiday.” Before loss, I probably swung toward the latter. It was just another day, here and gone.

What I have come to find out through my Loss, is actually how much Valentine’s Day affects me- you will hear similar echo’s through the widow/er community. We commiserate the annoyance of the Holiday. The gushy love expressed through the media, the hearts and decor that you will find filling the entrance of any store, romantic gift advertisements for your sweetheart blah, blah, blah…

Note the sarcasm: the reason behind the blah, blah, blah is simply the fact that this date shines a light on our loss. The chubby cherub points his heart arrow directly in our direction but does not release the bow. So for all those out there boycotting this day- I have decided to do my part. Here is my effort to shed some love on this day that tends to leave us in darkness. Here is my love letter to the those who have lost:

Dear Snookums, Baby, Sweet Cheeks, Honey, Lover (insert your pet name),

I know it’s tough without me, I know it’s not the life you choose, I know at times it feels as if you can’t go on. But you can, you are, and you need too!

Know that I am with you in your sadness, I celebrate in your success, and my spirit feels joy when you laugh. You are simply the best thing that has ever happened to me and I wish I could be there with you. But for reasons beyond our understanding I can’t. So to you on this day, instead of reflecting on what you don’t have, please think of all of the memories of what we did have- because Damn it was good!:

Remember when we met? It feels like just yesterday. You looked so beautiful (handsome). I knew I needed you to be mine. All those nights spent talking about our future and a lifetime that we were to spend together.

Our wedding was perfect. I can still picture how your eyes sparkled with excitement and anticipation of a day that was long awaited.  I couldn’t take my eyes off of you (or hands-ha).

When our babies were born it completed our family. Can you believe we created such perfect little beings.  Your smile and my stubbornness all bundled up in a little blanket.  It made me love you even more  as I watched you hold our little angel.

Can you believe the beautiful home that we created with all the love wrapped up inside. Things weren’t always perfect- we both had our little quirks (maybe you a little more-ha) but we always had love for one another.  I wouldn’t change anything!

Then the time came that I had to say goodbye. I didn’t want to go. I can’t believe the strength and courage I saw in your eyes. Know I was with you the whole time. Wiping your tears, hugging you as you sobbed, listening as you screamed, and sitting next to you when you could do nothing but sit and stare. I was there then and I still am now.

Please, my love, on this day and everyday know you can call to me, look for me, and you will find me. Wherever you are that’s where I am- the little glimmer in our babies eyes, the wind in your hair, the smile that comes across your face for no reason, the warmth of the sun on your cheek, the deep laugh that comes from your belly (my favorite place to be), and the quietness at night that only you know.

I see the pain behind your smile but I also see the hope in your heart. Please always keep the love we built and shared alive but not through sadness, anger and regret. Keep my love and memory alive through a Life Continued. Yes it will be without me, but please let it still be one of laughter, joy, silliness, adventure, and love because those are the things that you brought to me.

Love Always and Forever, Your Snuggle Bear, Stud Muffin, Sweetie Pie, Bubby (insert pet name)

Life is short but sweet for certain- DMB

8 thoughts on “A love letter for those who have lost…

  1. My wife had her first chemo treatment on Valentines Day last year. She left this world on August 14th.

    What you wrote here is beautiful! Thank you!

    1. I’m so sorry for the loss of your wife. I hope you found some peace in this. This isn’t the life we choose but our loved ones we want us to Continue to find Happiness.

  2. Thank you 💗 My counsellor has encouraged me to write a letter from my husband to me, what he would say to me, I’ve not been able to do it but this just sums it up. I could hear his voice as I read it. Hard, sad, but with hope, thank you 💗

    1. That gives me chills! When I wrote the letter I was hoping it would bring back a little piece of my Andy to me. It sounds like it had the same effect on others. This makes me so happy!

  3. Thank you so much for this. My husband has been gone just over three weeks and I can hear his voice in this beautiful letter. In amongst the sadness of losing a great man, I draw strength and comfort from the love we share – Everlasting Love.

    1. My heart aches for you. I know the pain! I am glad the letter gave you a moment of him back. That’s what I was hoping for. I wish we all could have one final love letter again.

  4. This so captures random thoughts that rise up in February. Some of us have been blessed with blended husbands and blended families. Our wedding day was a small mix of our children and best friends. It wasn’t always a perfect path or easy path but the blessings leave me thankful for all of it. Remembering my Rick who always made me feel I was the best thing that ever happened to him. THANK YOU KATIE!

Comments are closed.