Living in “quarantine,” “shelter in place,” “safer at home” or whatever your state defines it, brings feelings of fear, anxiety, the unknown, the worry for loved ones, anger, loneliness, a feeling of confinement, and sadness. These emotions impact are ability to function and play a role in our sleep, eating, and ability to connect with others. Of course everyone experiences stress differently because we all have differing levels of support, mental health, and upbringing. These are all feelings that I know very well.
What I want you to know is that you will survive. How do I know this? If you have followed my story you know… Young widow loses spouse, pregnant with two kids, with her husband missing for 3 weeks and 4 days to eventually be found in the lake. You see I have already survived my own quarantine. I have already faced a pandemic in my life. And yes, I know the definition of pandemic but I also know my story, my experience was like a disease that spread and wrecked havoc throughout my body and soul.
My quarantine stared the day my husband went missing. From November 26th, 2016 to December 20th, 2016. I was in a constant state of unknown. Anxiety filled my body. My life went from certainty to uncertainty. Fear was my companion that haunted my thoughts and dreams. My life was out of control. I went from home to searching for my husband and then to eventually having to stay home as the weeks passed. I couldn’t leave the house. I didn’t see a purpose to continue. The unknown and fear were to much to handle.
On December 20th, 2016 Andy was found and a part of my uncertainty and fear did end. I no longer had to worry about his whereabouts and if he would return. He wouldn’t. I was able to breath in a deep breathe of relief that those days of searching were now concluded. But as I exhaled a new sense of isolation began. New feelings of uncertainty and fear. It would now mean a life without Andy, life as a widow, life as a single mother and a future of the unknown.
But that is not where the story stops. And this is where I want my story to help heal yours. Because in this new life, I didn’t chose, hope began to grow… You see hope can grow in the soil of uncertainty. If you let it. What I have learned through my experience is that we can get control back if we admit we never had it. There were days that survival was merely determined by the second, minute or hour and that was enough. The focus shifted to what I could control and the idea of taking it one day at a time brought a new sense of accomplishment.
What I learned from my quarantine is that we are more capable then we ever thought we could be. Never in a million years would ever believe I could live through the horrible tragedy of losing my husband. But I did. I am here. I am still alive. I continue to survive. I know that whatever path I am presented I will be able to walk.
I have learned that the events in our lives are out of our control. Of course it is smart to make plans and dream of the future. But essentially one day, one moment it can all change. I have learned to focus on the things in my life that are important: my family and friends, my faith, my health, and all the little things that make me happy- talking with a friend, binge watching a new show, playing with my children, exercising, and finding ways to laugh each day. I have learned that people are good and we are meant to help one another. I have taken refuge in focusing on the present. I take each day for what it is.
We will eventually be at the end of this tunnel. We will come out on the other side. There will be tragedy- there already has been- we see it in the media and we know it in our own lives- loss of loved ones, loss of jobs, loss homes, life as we had known it before. There will be changes and challenges. Life won’t be the same. I know this. I lived this. My life is forever changed.
It doesn’t mean it won’t continue to move forward. It will . It doesn’t mean that there can’t be happiness. Because there can be. Take it from me. There is life both during and after quarantine. So take a deep breath and inhale all the goodness you see around you and exhale the need for control that you seek- because you will never have it. We will get through this! We will survive! So plant hope and let it grow!