Tomorrow marks the first day of Spring! If you live in Minnesota or any cold weather climate, you start shedding your coat like nobody’s business, the minute it gets into the 40’s! Today it’s suppose to reach a high of 46 and I’m not even wearing socks!- I’m officially done with Winter.
Spring is a time of rebirth. We shed our coats, but we also shed the bleakness of winter and watch as new life begins to sprout around us. The grass begins to show from under the snow, birds begin chirping, the sun shines longer and brighter each day. The neighbor kids are riding their bikes in their shorts:)
I love the idea of “rebirth” shedding the old skin and starting again. I feel this rebirth occurring in so many ways in my life. My grief journey started two and a half years ago. I have come to a point in my journey where I feel as if I am shedding my former self and finding the new me after loss. Just as we are finally able to take a deep refreshing breath of Spring air- I find myself breathing deep again- inhaling change and exhaling the pain, fear, and uncertainty of loss.
New life doesn’t happen over night. Winter seems bleak, desolate and cold- but that is all we can view from the surface. Plant life beings dormancy, growth slows and conservation of energy begins. As we experience loss or tragedy in our lives we may feel like we lie dormant, stagnant or stuck. It is easy to remain there. To allow anger, hurt and sadness consume us- and we have every right to be there!
The plants and trees are dormant but there is still life- rich soil and seeds waiting for the warmth and light that spring brings. There too is life inside those that grieve but it can feel impossible to reach because the weight of pain feels so heavy. The light will return and we can move forward but a choice has to be made. We need to allow the light to enter our lives and slowly the pain will begin to disappear.
If you find yourself stagnant or stuck in your life circumstance have you allowed happiness and life back into your heart? If not- then how do you do it? I’m not an expert by any means but for me the light takes many forms and has helped me in my healing journey.
First and foremost, it takes the form of my Faith. When I began to let go of my feelings of anger and questions of why, the heaviness started to lift. Instead of questioning “why did this happen to me” I began to ask “what is my purpose now?” and it sparked life inside of me. Taking action to find my new purpose gave me hope that I could find joy and happiness again. I found myself smiling again with the thought of a future.
Other ways that I have worked towards getting the light back into my life include: helping others, getting control of my physical health- what I eat and how much I exercise, surrounding myself with positive people that make me feel happy, lift me up and make me a better person. I have worked on letting go fears and facing them head. I began embracing the idea of change and the excitement it can bring. These things don’t happen over night and can take a lot of time, energy and convincing yourself to get up and be an active participant in your life again.
We are all given a set of life circumstances. Many that are out of our control, but what we do have control over is how we react and grow after our tragedy. I am forever a work in progress. I will always grieve the loss of my husband- that will never go away. But what I have learned is: just because I grieve doesn’t me I still can’t live. I can still have love, happiness, laughter and joy.
I have made the choice to stop living dormant I am going to shed the old and embrace the new. I will still have sad days and heartache. I will allow those days and moments to occur but I will still keep planting my seeds of healing. My loss has changed me but I refuse to let it stop me from blooming!
Life is short but sweet for certain- DMB